December 16, 2014 -- Three Years Ago, This Journey Began. . .

It was three years ago from today that we sat in the Stollery Hospital in Edmonton in the PICU next to our sweet Hope, wondering if she was going to live. . .


She was on so many machines and lines keeping her alive that it took two specially trained people (a PICU nurse, and an ECMO technician) to run the equipment 24 hours a day!   The night before, the doctors had delivered the news that she was not likely to ever tolerate coming off the heart and lung bypass machine and as such was not expected to live. . . the doctor was hesitant to be honest, but with being pressed, he mentioned a 10% chance of survival.  But, we were encouraged to not lose hope by the poor prognosis, as only time would tell.  After simply calling the slight presence of life in her unconscious body a miracle for the first 48 hours (without machines, she would have likely been dead in hours, maybe even minutes). . . that next morning, Friday, December 16th, 2011, our first miracle of healing happened. . . Hope's heart suddenly and unexplainably started to work again, enough that they decided to try to turn down the bypass machine gradually.  After she tolerated it surprisingly well, the risky disconnection of the oxygenating part of the bypass machine was removed. . . there was no turning back once this was done, it couldn't be put back on. . . would Hope's lungs hold or not?

Miracle of healing #2 came when Hope's lungs started to breathe again so well, that they did the opposite of what they expected. . . they turned the ventilator settings down!  In a matter of a few hours, an emergency surgery was set up in the PICU room to take Hope off the bypass machine. . . and she survived again!  Still on a ventilator, they decreased the sedation enough for her to to show us some signs of brain function. . . miracle #3. . . she was still there, her brain was not dead!  She was still heavily sedated and had tubes in her mouth and all over her body.  She had bandages covering a large wound from where the surgery had removed the huge tubes sticking out of her carotid artery and jugular vein on the right side.  She couldn't talk, she didn't even open her eyes, but she did squeeze my fingers when I asked her too!  She wiggled her toes slightly when we asked her too!  She grimaced and moaned when we asked if she was in pain!  We were so encouraged. . . our girl was still in there!!!  We didn't know how important those small signs of hope would be in our hearts for a very long time where most medical staff believed she was gone forever. . . a miracle that God graciously gave to us. . . one that would see us through some of the darkest days of our lives with yet a hope that our Hope was still there. . .

Here is a picture of the scar that remains from Hope's time on the ECMO machine.  Months later, just before leaving the hospital, a doctor walked into the room, seeing Hope for the first time, and with one look at her neck, said, "Oh, you're a miracle girl!"  Hope has called her scar her miracle mark!  What a great reminder of where God has brought her from. . . our miracle girl!!!

Hope's Miracle Mark!!!

Friday, December 16th, 2011 was the birthday of my sweet sister, Jamie, and one of our dear friends, Joel, that were both sitting in that PICU waiting room for three and half days straight, along with other precious family members!  How loved and blessed we were for those loved ones to put themselves aside completely, especially those on their special day that should have been about joyously celebrating them, to instead focus on the pain and agony of what our family was going through, to support and care for us through the beginning of a journey that would not be over any time soon.

After the first THREE miracles of Hope's journey, just two days later, Hope would take a massive turn backwards with seizures and another coma that she would wake from with no sign of brain activity, not even a response to pain.  Many amazing miracles and yet many painful hurdles and discouraging steps backwards lay ahead, unbeknownst to us. . . a painful, at times horrifying, journey with some of the greatest ups and down we have ever experienced. . . our roller coaster marathon journey with severe brain injury recovery. . . but there is not enough time nor room to share "the rest of that story" now. . . and so it continues. . . and so you have continued to walk this road with us!  How dear you are to us for the many ways that God has used you to be a part of His love, comfort, and care for our family. . . for the trial that He ordained as best for us to bring His worthy name glory, and to grow us in unshakeable faith and Christ-like character, and especially to grow a burning eternal hope that outweighs all else this life could possibly offer! 

Christmas seems like the worst time possible to go through tragic loss.  It is supposed to be a time of joy, being with family, giving of gifts, and for believers in the gospel of Jesus, a celebration of God's love for us, remembering how He sent His Son as the way for us to be reconciled to God.  How could watching your child suffer in ways unimaginable, fighting for life, with little to no hope for a "normal" life again, even if she survives, not forever taint this time of year. . . Christmas in the hospital, especially under circumstances of great loss could seem harshly opposite to the biblical Christmas message. . . "peace on earth". . . as your world suddenly and forever crumbles around you.  I'm sure that many of you have experienced loss, all kinds of loss, even loss also associated with this time of year.

This may sound crazy, but I'm SO thankful that our journey with loss began at this time of year.  It's not because I'm a really strong Christian with a really strong faith, dear ones. . . just the opposite. . . it's because I'm so weak on my own, so quick to ask the "if only's" and the "what if's."  On my own, I would prefer to go and climb into a deep hole and bury my grief in self pity and doubt.  On my own, I would bargain, deny, question, scream, and even throw a temper tantrum from time to time.  On my own, I am weak to the core, weak in my flesh. . . but in Christ, because I belong to Him and because He has made me a new creation in Him. . . there is hope because of Him and through Him!  I just had to hold onto Him with all my might as He held me firmly in the palm of His all knowing, all powerful, perfectly loving hand!  And Christmas time is the PERFECT time for me to be reminded of the great cost He surrendered so humbly and lovingly to, to come in the form of a babe in a manager.  Christmas time is the PERFECT time to be reminded of why He came. . . so that I could have HOPE!  So that I could have PEACE, not because of what is going on around me, but rather IN SPITE of what is going on around me, because I know who holds it all, and most importantly, I know what my hope secures. . . an eternal hope of being with Him forever!  

When I view my trials through the lens of the eternal hope we have in our Saviour, Jesus Christ, verses like Romans 8:28, James 1:2-4, and Romans 5:3-5 come alive with meaning that resonates to the depths of my aching hurting soul to bring forth from the ashes, HOPE!  This life is temporary, my hope is in what is yet to come!  And Christmas is indeed a celebration of what is YET TO COME!  I would love to share this excerpt from a devotional entitled, "A Christmas Longing," written by Joni Eareckson Tada. . . diving into a lake and breaking her neck at 18 years old to be left with quadriplegia for the rest of her life, she is someone very familiar with suffering and loss. . . 

"On this side of eternity, Christmas is still a promise.  Yes, the Savior has come, and with Him peace on earth, but the story is not finished.  Yes, there is peace in our hearts, but we long for peace in our world.

Every Christmas is still a 'turning of the page' until Jesus returns.  Every December 25 marks another year that draws us closer to the fulfillment of the ages, that draws us closer to. . . home.

When we realize that Jesus is the answer to our deepest longing, even Christmas longings, each Advent brings us closer to His glorious return to earth.  When we see Him as He is, King of kings and Lord of lords, that will be 'Christmas' indeed!

Heaven is about to happen.  The celebration is about to burst on the scene.  We stand tiptoe at the edge of eternity, ready to step into the new heaven and the new earth.  And I can hardly wait. 

I can't wait to sing 'O Come All Ye Faithful' as I gather with my friends and family to worship the Lord in heaven.  I can't wait to give Him the gift of refined faith, the 'riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints' (Ephesians 1:18).  On bended knee, alongside kings and shepherds, together we will praise Him and sing 'Glory to God in the highest' (Luke 2:14)!  And for eternity we will follow the One who is 'the bright Morning Star' (Rev. 22:16).

Christmas is an invitation to a celebartion yet to happen.  If you've got a Christmas longing, you're about to be satisfied, too.  Just hold on and say with me. . . Maranatha!  Come Lord!"

I couldn't say it any better than Joni said it there!  If you are struggling with loss, present or past, dear ones, I pray that this Christmas can be a time where you are comforted and encouraged by the hope we have in Christ!  As John 14:6 says. . . 

"I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me."


Trevor is preaching through the book of John and the passage he exposited for us this past Sunday, Dec 14, 2014. . . the 3rd anniversary of the day that Hope's life stopped within her body, and God ordained a very different plan for her. . . the passage was perfectly timed, as only God can do!  Here is a web link that you can copy and paste to watch the message that Trev preached entitled, "Time to Hope". . . 

http://new.livestream.com/harvestcalgary/events/2129780

I'll leave you with a few pictures and a video from Hope's Second Annual Celebration of Life Day, Dec. 14, 2014, this past Sunday. . . 

Hope chose lemon cupcakes with lime buttercream frosting for her celebration treat!  Great pick, Hope. . . they were delicious!!!  : )

A fun celebration with dear friends! 

Lighting fun sparklers!!!  Hope's neck is still really bothering her, and so lying flat with her head and shoulders up on a pillow is her best position!

Here comes a cupcake for Hope to try to blow out. . . it didn't work!  : )

Here is a little video of the celebration. . . a two fold celebration!  Hope's Second Annual Celebration of Life Day as well as Mr. Joel's birthday!  Hope was super excited to surprise Joel by singing happy birthday to him instead!  And in case you don't catch the cute little story that Trev tells at end. . . 

On Sunday morning, Trev said to Hope: "Happy Anniversary!"

Hope replied:  "Dad. . . I'm NOT married!"

Tee hee hee!!!  : )