February 25, 2014 . . . Prayer Requests While Trevor is in Nepal

Hello dear praying friends and family!  It has been much too long since I have been able to post, and this will not be long, but I do have several updates in the works and coming. . .

I just was having a low point tonight while Trevor is away serving the dear faithful pastors of the Harvest Nepal churches, and I knew that before I crashed into bed tonight or tried to accomplish another task from the long list of "to do's" that I needed to be honest and share my heart with you, for the purpose of your precious prayers to cover us during this difficult time apart.  Some of you have already sent notes to let us know that you are praying and we are so very thankful for this amazing ministry through prayer that each of you have to our family. . . how God blesses and carries us in answer to those prayers!!!

We are so thankful that Trevor has the opportunity and blessing to go each year to teach at the pastor's conference in Nepal. . . it is such a rewarding ministry to serve such faithful servants of the Lord!  It is encouraging to see their unshakeable faith in the face of persecution; it is so challenging to see how much they do with the little that they have; it is humbling to witness their sacrificial generosity; and it is so convicting to see the diligence with which they passionately pursue Christ and the work of building His church!  What a joy indeed to be with such dear fellow brothers and sisters in Christ!  And what a joy for the girls and I to support Trevor in this worthwhile ministry by holding up the fort at home as he goes half way around the world!

This 10 days that Trevor is away is the first time since Hope's brain injury that the girls and I have been on our own for the whole time.  We started off bravely on the weekend and things went pretty well, with church being the only event on for the weekend!  Monday came and with it the realization that I had bit off way more than I could chew. . . I was sitting at Hope's bedside at 6:30 pm, still trying to finish off her homework, Gabi waiting on me to help her with her homework by giving her spelling test and listening to her Bible memory verse, Hope's bath still needing to be done, and suddenly realizing that I hadn't even thought of supper. . . oh no panic started to fill my heart. . . "I can't do this by myself!"  So we tried making some quick "new adjusted plans" . . . we canned homework for the night, threw some potatoes and veggies in the oven to cook for supper (that'll do!), postponed the bath, and I finally had both girls sleeping well after 10 pm had already come and gone.  Yikes!

The next day was another busy one and I started off the day seeking the Lord for strength to get through it. . . and the Lord's provision and mercies were evident as He sent sweet dear friends to our rescue with meals and helping with driving Gabs home from her gymnastics class.  We also had our dear Isylla there helping all evening. . . the bath got done, the dishes that were piling up as a result of our dishwasher breaking down a few days ago got done finally, a bit more homework done, we all had a delicious healthy meal, and we had sweet fellowship with dear friends in the middle of it all!  I went to bed tired, but encouraged. . . "We miss daddy, but we can do this!"

Today was another busy day. . . it was "trades day," where all the different trades come to address issues that need to be fixed as things settle in a new home.  It was a steady day, but doable I felt, until again. . . it was 8 pm and I still was helping the girls finish homework, needing to feed them supper (which thanks to those sweet ladies was already made in the fridge), tried to brush teeth but the sink can't get wet after the work done on it and I can't carry Hope into the other bathroom so we skipped teeth for tonight, wondering if I'm going to get a shower in this week (glad you can't smell me through the computer!), and the stress starts to build again, "I can't do this by myself!"

I've been praying this week that I would trust and rely on the Lord for His strength and not turn into a "stressed out freakazoid" as we call it in our house!  I so desire to please the Lord and be an example to our precious girlies that His grace is sufficient and I will rest in Christ and His sufficiency even when circumstances are hard.  What joy and peace comes as a result!

I was carrying Hope from the bathroom into her bedroom and realized as I'm struggling to hold her in my arms that her bed is covered with stuff and I couldn't set her down on it without help.  I called for Gabs to come and help quickly and Hope sensed me struggling as I finally collapsed with her into the bed!  Phew, we made it!  We did quick bedtime routine, and then spent a few minutes talking about how we wanted to continue to strive to simplify our lives by purging "stuff", being content with less, and  trusting the Lord for all our needs. . . things we see our dear Nepali brothers and sisters live out daily!  We then ended with our time to pray together. . . just Hope prayed tonight since it was again past 10 pm and I knew the girls were so tired.  I kissed them each goodnight and then Hope said this in a soft sad voice, "I wish that I could help you more, Mom.  I so wish that I could make my bed and have it all ready for you, just like I used to do before my brain injury. . . I was really good at making my bed back then, wasn't I, Mom?  I sure wish that I could still help you the way I used to be able to help you!"

As I said, "I know you do sweetie, I know you do," I quickly turned off the light and left the room as the tears came streaming down.  I know that I'm tired, a bit overwhelmed, and missing my hubby, and that adds to the emotions.  But it still surprises me sometimes when those raw emotions come welling up, the tears pour, and your heart just wails to the Lord, "WHY?????  How can this be a GOOD plan???"  The searing pain of loss can seem suddenly like a wound that never heals.  We deeply desire to protect Hope from ever feeling guilty about the weight of her care and constant dependency. . . she is NEVER a burden to us, NEVER. . . no matter how hard the days can be at times!  Her life is a miracle and a gift, ALWAYS, even when she's being a turkey-toes now and then!  Just the same, is her precious little sister, our Gabi girl!  So hearing those words from her is heartbreaking!  I'm crushed to hear her unspoken guilt over the reality of life being harder with her brain injury; I'm so sad for my little girl who remembers learning to make her bed and be a big helper to her mommy, and now longs to do that again, but likely never will; I'm overwhelmed by her heart for me and desire to help me because she knows I'm struggling; and I'm so concerned and hurting for her little sister who also carries a heavy load as a result of this.  I desperately wish that I could trade Hope places, but even in that thought for a moment, I am reminded that not only can I not do it, but it wouldn't help anything. . . would I wish for Hope to be carrying me!  I think not!

Dear friends, I share this all with you for a couple reasons, and not just because it got me to stop wailing as I concentrated on writing this instead!  : )  We are continually reminded of how much we need prayer. . . YOUR prayer matters, dear ones!  Trevor was telling me about a driver that he met on his first trip to Nepal just a couple weeks before Hope's brain injury changed our lives forever. . . he was quick to tell Trevor that he has been praying for our Hope!  Trev shared with me how it struck him how much we have been lifted up in prayer throughout this last two years, around the world, and both how much we need prayer, and how much God has answered prayer!  So I knew I needed to not only ask for your prayer for our family this week (knowing many of you already are!), but also let you know specific things to be praying for.  I also share this with you because I desire to be real with you. . . and how you have cared for us and encouraged us in those many "real moments!"  Thank you, thank you, dear ones, for your faithful prayers and loving support over the many months that we have shared this journey with you!

I would like to leave you with the passage that the Lord used to calm my sobbing heart tonight. . . Lamentations 3:22-26 "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, therefore I will hope in Him.  The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.  It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."  I am beyond thankful that I will go to bed now, and wake up tomorrow to the "new mercies" of the Lord!  Lifted up in prayer, through His grace that is always sufficient, with the joy of my salvation as my strength, and the hope that never disappoints, I will meet a new day!