The surgery for the 13 yr old girl ended a couple hours ago, and we were very thankful to hear that it went well for her! Thank you for all your prayers for her and her family!
We were paged back to talk with our surgeon who was still eager to do Hope's surgery. However, the surgery will not be happening today as there were not enough support staff to assist the surgeon with Hope's surgery as he reiterated that Hope's surgery is very complicated. It would be unsafe to do it without adequate support staff.
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We do not know when Hope's surgery will be rescheduled to yet. We will have to wait for another phone call. There is only a few summer surgery dates available and they are all booked up, many of whom have also been juggled already for their surgery date as well. There is also an issue with the staff person who does the spinal monitoring being away for the first two weeks of September so that is not available either. We will just have to wait and see what happens.
Hope listened quietly to the conversation. We discussed the surgeon's urgency to have the surgery before and he still feels the same way, but his hands were tied to be able to make it go forward. We can only trust that God has His purpose in it all. At the end, the surgeon asked Hope if she had any questions and she did, which was very sweet to listen to her ask her question and sound so grown up. She wanted to know if they would use sutures to close her incision on her back. After they left, Trev left to get Hope's bag with her clothes to get changed, and the rest of the family left for the hallway. As people cleared out, I could see Hope's eyes filling with tears, and as soon as they were all gone and the curtains were pulled, I hugged Hope as she cried and cried. The emotions that build as you mentally prepare yourself for something of this magnitude came pouring out of her and it was heart-wrenching. Thinking about all that would have to be re-done again (from blood work to pre-surgery scrubs, packing to clearing the schedule), it felt overwhelming. We talked and then prayed with daddy after his soon return. We got her changed and took her to get something to eat as she was feeling light headed and starving by this time!
We are now home and able to let you all know where things are at. I'm going to be honest to say my heart is struggling with this. I feel angry and frustrated. I know that God is good and trustworthy and is obviously working out the plan He has for us and for His glory, as well as our lives and the lives of those around us. . . and yet I am feeling overwhelmed, hurt, and exhausted to try to do this all over again, possibly very soon. All the things that we will now pray about trying to continue to research and look into further. . . more decisions. . . more waiting. It all feels very overwhelming for my exhausted mind to wrap around. So I am going to let my dear husband, who has such an incredible faith in God's sovereignty and goodness and ability to trust in the harder circumstances without waver finish this blog post, because he will better communicate truth to you. . . and at the end of the day, feelings will pass, but truth will remain, and truth is what we desire to stand on.
I will just end my portion with this. . . God provided the "ram in the thicket" for now. . . He stayed the knife. . . and I am honestly amazed at how He works! And I would be so thankful if this was the end of it with no surgery in the future, or even if it was being postponed for a year. Just a few weeks away feels like we're starting all over from square one again. . . we're pushing reverse and then starting the journey up the mountain to the altar again. I don't know what God will do in that few weeks, I don't feel able to do it all again, but I am thankful that I don't need to worry about all of that. . . that is God's domain. I just need to get my heart back into submission. . . trust and obey! And to listen to our little girlie sing from her heart as we drove to the Rona store for our favorite Vietnamese sub (funny eh, but true!), these are the words that she sang. . .
"I believe everything that You say You are,
I believe and I have seen Your unchanging heart.
In the good things and in the hardest part,
I believe and I will follow you."
Here is a link to this song we sang just yesterday at church. . .
Thank you dear ones for your sweet prayers, notes of encouragement, and precious words of Scripture that you have poured into our family over this past couple weeks. You are such an important part of this journey and story that God is writing on Hope's heart, and each of ours! May He be glorified in it all, even in the repentance of my stubborn, scared, tired and doubting heart, because it is only by His grace that I can believe and follow Him! You are loved, dear ones!!!
Love, Heather : )
Twice in the last two weeks we have found ourselves in a place where we have had totally unexpected outcomes. When we had went to our last doctor's appointment we had been prepared to battle the doctor believing that surgery would not be in Hope's best interest at this time. Leaving that meeting we were shocked to see that God had other plans and that surgery was necessary and should happen as soon as possible. So now here we are here again two weeks later in very similar circumstances. This last week has been filled with the knowledge of Hope's surgery today. Praying that God would miraculously heal Hope before hand if that would bring Him the most glory, but with every passing day believing that God may heal Hope through surgery. Yesterday morning our emotions were high as we gathered together with the Body of Christ and we prayed together for today's surgery. Then we received the phone call last night that put into question whether surgery would happen today.
This morning was a mix emotions. How do you pray in times like this? Do you pray to have the surgery? Do you pray for the surgery to be delayed? Again and again God has reminded us to take one minute at a time. There is no use worrying about what to do if surgery doesn't happen if indeed the surgery still takes place nor is there any use worrying about what will happen if the surgery does not take place if the surgery does happen.
We often throw "cliche" terms around in Christianity that seem more like a bumper sticker saying then a foundational truth to live every moment by. They remain "cliche" until God brings circumstances such as these into our lives. Situations that remind us that we are absolutely not in control of our lives...we have never been, but we fool ourselves into thinking so for much of our lives. It is times like this that our faith is put to the test. Can we trust the Scriptures? The Psalmist wrote, "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!" (Psalm 34:8) It's in these times that you ask, Lord, are you good? Will I be blessed if I take refuge in You? Our hearts cry out with the Psalmist...Lord you are good! You are always good! You are the very definition of what goodness is. We don't know why you changed the plans for the surgery today, but we do know this...You are good! Lord we will take refuge in You. Where else would we turn? You are the author of life, you are the alpha and omega, you are king of kings and Lord of Lords. We will take refuge in you!
Solomon wrote in Proverbs 3:5,6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths." Lord can we trust you? We have found it is these times that our hearts cry out...we believe. We do not know what you are doing through these things, but we do know what Your Word says. Lord truly my understanding is far from adequate! What do we know compared to the One who knows it all? He who created the heavens and the earth, He who sustains all things, He who knows every intimate detail of our lives...what do we know in comparison to Him? So we say yes Lord we will trust in You with all our hearts and we will acknowledge You and ask You to lead us hour by hour as we wait upon You to lead us and guide us according to Your good will.
God's words are a rock in these times of tossing and turning. Matthew 7:24,25 "Everyone who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock." We have found it is God's Word that has helped us again and again as the rains and floods have come. Yes it is raining again, but what a peace knowing that God is in control and that He is using these things to give us a richer picture of who He is as the Words of Scripture come alive again and again. I have thought about our blessed hope of Christ's return more than once today and my heart resonates with John when He writes in Revelation 22:20 "He who testifies to these things says, Surely I am coming soon. Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!" Amen, come Lord Jesus! Is that why you delayed the surgery? You are taking us home tonight and it was unnecessary? Lord you know and whatever the reason is...we love you and trust you!
Whatever storm you find yourself in, it is our prayer that you might know the God who made you more and more. He is our treasure and it is in Him that we have hope!
As Hope loves to tease me...know this you are loved!