February 13, 2022 - A Valentine's Date with the Surgeon

Tomorrow is the day!  Hope will be having the surgery to repair the broken rod in her back and the two vertebrae that did not fuse.  A close friend joked and it stuck . . . Hope has a Valentine's date with the surgeon!

The surgery was rescheduled at the end of December and the last 6 weeks have been hard for Hope.  At first, she didn't want to have the surgery and asked for it to be postponed until, at least, the summer.  We prayerfully discussed all the aspects of her condition, and the pros and cons of waiting vs going ahead with it.  Trevor and I both have seen her in pain every day that limits how much she is able to do, and as such, her abilities and gains over the last few years in walking and standing have really gone backwards.  The sharp pain with movement is tough, but the muscle spasms that run through her shoulder blades, lower back, and down into her legs are the worst for her.  We felt it was best for her to go ahead with the surgery, even though we have also prayed for miraculous healing.  We know God can, but we also trust Him when He has a different plan.

Hope did not agree with going ahead with the surgery, and asked to be excused to go to her room and spend time with the Lord.  She had her devotions and "just happened" to be reading through Job at the time.  She read Job chapter 41 that day, towards the end of the book, where God responds to Job's questions of why his circumstances were so bad.  God poignantly reminds Job who we are in relation to who God is.  Hope prayed and then wheeled herself outside of her room to talk with us again.  She said, "Ok, I prayed about it.  God deserves to be trusted.  So, I will trust Him.  I'll have the surgery."  I never cease to be amazed at the way God leads and cares for us so personally as our refuge, strength, and present help in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1), and watching that happen before your eyes in your beloved child is especially precious!

There have been a lot of unknowns surrounding this surgery . . . including whether it would actually happen this time.  The pre-op clinic is very backed up with delayed surgeries starting to be rescheduled, so we only got a phone call from them 3 days ago.  All her pre-op bloodwork and consults will happen the morning of surgery now.  They will need to get a crossmatch for blood transfusions as there is a higher risk for significant bleeding both due to the length of surgery as well as the location of part of the surgery accessing the front of the spine...they will need to lift and move the major blood vessel that returns blood to the heart (the vena cava) right where it merges from each of the lower limbs.

The surgery is a long one. . . 10 hours long . . . so, Hope will be the first surgery of the day at 7:30 am tomorrow.  We will need to have her there at 5 am to do all the pre-op necessities.  This is Hope's 8th surgery, but she hasn't had a surgery for the last 7 years!  Also, she is now 19 years old, and has moved into the adult health care system.  As such, it is a different hospital and different staff. . . a big change from how well Hope was known at the Alberta Children's Hospital, what we considered a "home away from home" for such a long time.  To add to the many stresses of things being different, there is still many Covid restrictions in place that limit our ability to support Hope in the ways she has relied on . . . which also greatly affects this mama's state of heart!  We still don't know if they will allow us both to be with her after surgery or if they will allow one of us to stay with her overnight . . . something that is very important to her and feels very necessary to how she and we have walked through these trials in the past.

So, in addition to the stresses of a major surgery, the many unknowns have weighed heavy on all our hearts this past few weeks.  I will truthfully admit that the thought of tomorrow literally makes my stomach start to turn . . . Hope in pain, Hope alone, complications, waiting....... 

Trials are hard . . . very hard . . . there is no way around it!  But, I have been clinging to the truth that as great as our trials are, our God is always greater still!  AND, He is to be trusted!  The trials God entrusts to us are not just a matter of surviving . . . they are the framework through which He reveals His character in such a way that forever changes us!  That is good for us!  So then, trials are good for us, and our loving Heavenly Father allows and entrusts them to us for His good purposes, as painful as the trial may be.  And only a loving and faithful Heavenly Father both entrusts trials for His good purposes AND is with you through every moment of that trial.

Back to Psalm 46:1-2a, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear . . . "

God's grace has already been so evident, and one way I'd love to share is through this story. . . 

We were told by the pre-op clinic on Thursday that only one of us would be able to be with her tomorrow morning.  This was stressful for all of us.  We're used to going through these things together and often Hope's care requires both of us.  For example, when having her pre-op bloodwork drawn back in August, the first time around, it took 3 pokes and lots of painful digging around trying to hit the vein to get it done.  Hope had a seizure during the last vial of blood being drawn, and then afterwards, she threw up two times...it definitely required both of our sets of hands to help her through all of that.  We were praying about the very disappointing news that only one of us could go and were seeking the Lord for wisdom in how to best support Hope and each other that morning.  On Friday, I called to get the surgery time, and I asked about who could be with her before surgery again.  The woman suggested I call the day surgery unit directly because that is where she would be before surgery.  I called and upon sharing again that Trevor and I have a court order for joint legal guardianship of Hope as an adult, they said they will make an exception and allow BOTH of us to be with Hope before surgery tomorrow morning!  Tears spilled after I got off the phone and told Trevor . . . nothing could have felt like more of a physical hug from my Heavenly Father than that moment . . . He cares about even my small concerns, and He is able and willing to be my refuge, strength, and present help in times of trouble.

I don't know what tomorrow or the days to follow hold for us.  I don't know that further exceptions will be made for Hope's unique concerns/needs as we are hoping and praying.  BUT, I do know the God who is over it all . . . and we will trust Him because, as Hope said before, "God deserves to be trusted!"

They are expecting Hope to have a 4 day stay in the hospital if all goes well.  One week after Hope's surgery, Trevor will be flying to Texas to speak at a conference.  So, we are praying that Hope will be able to come home from hospital before Trevor needs to leave.

We will keep you posted throughout this week on how Hope is doing and any specific prayer requests that come up.  Thank you for praying for Hope and our family!  Words really don't come close to expressing the gratitude in our hearts for how many people continue to pray for Hope.  It is such a tremendous comfort and encouragement to Hope and to Trevor, Gabi, and I!  Trev is currently preaching through Romans.  Last Sunday was Romans 12:12, "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."  His sermon outline was that genuine love requires three things:  a confident expectation in God (rejoice in hope), a committed endurance for God (patient in tribulation), and a constant engagement with God (constant in prayer).  What a timely message for our family!  Thank you for your genuine love for us!

I'll leave you with a little video snippet of something that warmed my heart today and I plan to watch many times tomorrow while I am apart from our precious girl during the long surgery . . . what a sweet reminder that she is never alone because of the One in whom she has placed her trust!

Song:  Build My Life
Author:  Passion

Lyric Hope is singing:  

"I will build my life upon your love; it is a firm foundation.
I will put my trust in You alone, and I will not be shaken."