Picking up from the last post about yesterday evening, after a long day that started off hopeful and slowly unraveled into discouraging, the story takes a strange and unexpected turn . . .
So, I left off with the news that Hope wasn't getting discharged yesterday evening. Our girlie shared with me that she was discouraged and sad, knowing she wasn't going home and having multiple attached lines that she felt desperate to get rid of. She still had the drain in her back incision, the peripheral IV in her left arm, and the "bee in her bonnet" central line in her neck. Each of these were not super painful in and of themselves, but added on top of her surgical pain, and then the back spasms, they were the aggravated insults that pushed her over the edge, so to speak. I think mostly, they represented the culprits that were keeping her from going home.
I mentioned a strange and unexpected turn . . .
Around 8 pm, after Trevor and Gabi had already left home to bring Hope her extra strength essential oil pain relief blend and her magnesium (both help with muscle relaxation), the nurse came in and said that an order had been put in to remove the drain from Hope's back incision. I was confused, as less than an hour earlier, we were told that there was too much drainage (by a lot!) and that was the reason Hope couldn't go home. The nurse had no explanation, just an order entered by Hope's surgeon from another location.
It's funny how much you talk yourself into things! After hearing that the drain was putting out more than 3 times the amount of fluid that they would want to see, I had started to remember when Hope had her Baclofen pump removed and developed a large hematoma at the site. The fluid started to drain through the incision, which then did not heal and eventually turned into an acute septic infection that nearly killed her and resulted in another long hospital stay. So, I told Hope (and myself) that maybe this is what the Lord was preventing from happening again, and we should trust Him, even when the circumstances were not going the way we desperately had hoped and prayed for. When the nurse suddenly announced that the drain was being pulled, I was almost tempted to start to push back as to whether this was wise without a conversation with the surgeon. However, I didn't . . . God held my tongue! Praise Him! Instead, I started thinking about how easily we can say we are trusting God in a circumstance, but then we try to reason through it, like somehow understanding will bring peace. But, I love Proverbs 3:5-6 that says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths." It is trusting in faith that God is who He says He is and that He will do what He says He will do that brings peace! Last night, trusting in faith meant holding my tongue and letting something happen that I didn't understand, that made no sense and had no explanation. And, so much better than my own fabricated understanding was the peace that passes understanding and guards my heart and mind in Christ Jesus! (Philippians 4:6-7)
Only God can turn off "mama bear mode" in me and instead flood my heart and mind with pure inexplicable peace to trust that He is working! Knowing how many people continue to pray for Hope and our family reminds me to look for God at work, rather than turn to my own understanding and ability to maneuver the circumstances. And, God was definitely at work last night with timing that could only be from a loving Heavenly Father sovereignly working for our good and His good purposes! The nurse went to get the supplies to pull the drain. Trevor arrived in the minutes before she returned, so I asked the nurse if we could both stay for the procedure. She graciously allowed this. The stitch was cut and the drain was pulled, and we had one happy girlie to have had both her parents with her for it all, along with one more irritation gone. The nurse also pulled the peripheral IV in Hope's arm . . . another huge relief for her. The only thing left was that "bee in the bonnet" central line in her neck. There was no order to take it out. The nurse paged a doctor to see if she could get the order, but never heard back. It was late enough now that we were told it would need to wait until the next day.
After it was all done, around 9 pm, Trev stayed with Hope to eat his late supper and visit with her, while I went down to the vehicle and had a visit with Gabi and our little dog, Connor. I asked Gabi about her day, including what was one highlight of her day. She replied, "This visit with you here, now!" Talk about having your heart filled up to the brim and overflowing! It was so cute to see how much even our Connor dog was missing Hope. While sitting on my lap and looking out the window, Connor saw a man pushing a wheelchair. He started to frantically whine and try to get out to them . . . he thought it was Trevor and Hope! How sweet that he loves his girl in a wheelchair with the best lap ever so very much! I joked with Hope that we could have Gabi stand on the outside of the locked unit doors, while she sat in her wheelchair in the hallway on the inside of the doors, and then I could buzz to get into the unit again so the girls could at least see each other as the doors opened for me to go through. Hope laughed at me and said, "Mom, did you forget? I can't see!" Ha ha! I told her it would have made for a great dramatic Hallmark moment though, hee hee. Leaving Gabi was so hard, and saying goodbye to Trevor for another night apart was so hard. When I came back to Hope's room, she surprised me by being up in her wheelchair . . . something that she hadn't been able to do for very long. After saying goodbye to her daddio, she decided to tough it out and stay up to watch a show with me before bed while I ate my late supper. It was the first and only time that we were able to do one of our pre-discussed fun plans during this week's hospital stay!
All of these sweet grace moments at the end of a discouraging day were and still are precious to me! They are the evidences of God's tender care, His steadfast love, and His compassionate mercies for His children. To see the way God took us through the roller coaster of circumstances from a hopeful start to a discouraging low to a "lemons into lemonade" ending was so encouraging, and it filled our hearts with hope again. Tomorrow is a new day with new mercies from our Heavenly Father, and we will hope in Him . . . even when there is a "bee in your bonnet" central line still invading your neck and your hospital room is starting to feel more like a jail cell (Hope's description)!
Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."
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